Where is the hickey?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I got inside last night via doggy door
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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