youre lurking in front of me
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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