we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
