I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You peed on a flamingo?!?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
