The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
