How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
