Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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