im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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