If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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