mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
