I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
