i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
