so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
