So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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