Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
