as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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