About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
