Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
