It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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