I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
