That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
