haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
