Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
