morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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