Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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