You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
