You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I hope mine doesn't look like that
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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