I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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