My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
