worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
