note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
