i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
