Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
