I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
