Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
is it fun? or sober?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
