She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
And then my night got REAL pukey
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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