I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
