he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
