It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
