he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
