I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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