I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
