i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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