is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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