I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I love having hate sex.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize