I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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