Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
