I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
