I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
