remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Success! We fucked roommates!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
