Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
