TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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