Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
