You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
