Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
