I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
True strength comes from lack of pants
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
