I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
