I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
