If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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