I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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