i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
