I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just cropdusted the office
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
