Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
