i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
